Be Your Own Hero

If you've ever watched the movie "Whip It" with Drew Berrymore, you recognize that line.

I used to play roller derby. For two years it was my outlet, my support group, my own personal challenge. It was hard. I had never been an athlete, never played an organized sport of any kind, never even fully participated in gym class.

Ironically it was a full year after I saw the movie mentioned above. It didn't even occur to me that it was something I could even do. I was about to turn 31, was extremely overweight and had probably only been on roller skates once since I was around 10 years old. But I enthusiastically joined my first practice and despite bruising my tailbone, pulling my groin and having extremely sore legs, I went back and I was hooked.

For two years I pushed myself--learning to trust my body and the strength in my always muscular legs, enduring endless hours of drills and suicides and throwing myself to the floor ON PURPOSE, getting dozens of bruises and tearing a hamstring. But for two years I had the love and support of everyone around me while I pushed myself, including the most amazing group of women I have ever met (til this day, and I have met some pretty phenomenal women since then!) More than anything it made me push myself in many other aspects of my life. If I could do that, I could do anything. So went the story of lots of women I met--women getting the courage to leave unhealthy relationships, go back to school, get better jobs. Empowerment is more than just a buzz word associated with roller derby--it is the true spirit of roller derby and those who live it know this.

Roller derby was the one thing I've ever done JUST FOR ME. For my body, for my mind, for my well-being.

I had to leave when I got pregnant with Baby Bug and had fully intended to go back when she was 3 months old. I told Batman "Don't let me quit this. I need it in my life." Baby Bug had a pretty rocky start to life and I was not able to go back as anticipated. Then finances got in the way and then time. 

Now I have the time but not the money. Isn't that always the story?

Tonight the skating rink that hosts our derby league had free open skating in celebration of the annual Back to the Bricks car cruise. I have gone every year since 2010, even last year. I ran into some of the women I skated with and a couple of new faces.

When I saw those women, when I opened my skate bag--I just had this overwhelming feeling of being home. I belong there, with those women, on those skates, pushing myself to be better. 

So I am going to go back. I can't afford to pay dues so I'm going back as a referee--but I still get the experience, the workout, the derby love.

And I get something just for ME. That's just as much a part of this journey as anything else is.