I Fell Off the Wagon

I haven't been here in almost a month.
I've been neglecting a lot of things in regards to my health. I'm still exercising at derby practice. I'm still trying to use portion control. The convenience foods have made more appearances at our house. It's caused more problems than just health too.
I'm ready to get back to it. Tomorrow I will track my food again and try to avoid fast food.
I need some support and motivation though.
Help me out!

Feel the Fear

I've talked about this concept a few times.  I think it's because most of what we can't do is all in our heads. Our bodies are amazing and capable creations.  If you REALLY stop and think about everything that's going on to keep you alive, and you don't even have to try, it is truly awesome. 
I've been trying to apply this concept of "Feel the fear and do it anyway" to many areas of my life. I initially turned down a job interview last week and then panicked when I realized I actually wanted to give it a shot.  I was afraid of sounding stupid on the phone when I called back and said "Oh by the way I changed my mind." But....I did it anyway. And it was fine. The lady was very nice, the interview went well and I learned a lot. I did not get the job but I have NO REGRETS. If I wouldn't have called back I would have been questioning whether I'd made the right decision.  I'm okay with not getting that job though as something is pulling me toward the one I've already been offered.  No regrets.
Tonight was derby practice. I find myself needing to write in here on these nights, as I've mentioned before, because I either hit a wall or break through one.  Tonight I broke through a MAJOR wall that's been up since I started roller derby in 2010. 
I have never been able to conquer my fear of jumping on skates. That's right, both feet in the air and then landing on my feet.  My feet that have wheels attached to them.  I always pictured myself flying out of control and falling, impaling myself on the cone we were jumping over (I mean really, it's a freaking rubber/plastic cone, my subconscious is slightly dramatic)
I heard before practice that we were going to be working on this skill tonight but I tried not to dwell on it. I figured I would either try it or I wouldn't but worrying about it beforehand wouldn't help.  We started with a few things that I know how to do well and I think that built up my confidence.  After we did those drills I was invited to join the "big girls" and do endurance training. I did that and it wiped me out. That was tough stuff.  I decided to rejoin the group of freshies and work on individual skills.We did some transitions and then moved quickly to the jumping. 
I started out petrified. I can' t lie. I stood back and watched the other girls doing it, even ones who were newer than me.  They were jumping over a little board that was 6 inches high.  They brought out a little pool noodle so I started by jumping one foot at a time over that.  Then I moved to jumping both feet over it.  I finally worked up the nerve to jump with both feet over that little board.
And I did it.
On the first try.
Without falling.
I may or may not have wanted to do a little touchdown dance at the end.  I refrained but I did shout "woohoo!"
I am insanely proud of myself. I was really scared to do that jump. But I let that fear sit there and I appreciated it for what it was. 
And then I did it anyway.

Turn The Other Way!

Ahhh finally--made it back to derby practice after almost two weeks! Schedule conflicts and personal issues kept me from going to the last couple of practices. I was dreading it today because I.....didn't want to work? Who knows. Self-sabotage I'm sure.  But I went!

We are still working on skills for our test coming up in a few weeks. There are still lots of things I have to work on and I really doubt my ability to be ready to pass the test in that short amount of time. 

I'm okay with that.

I've only been back to derby for 2.5 months and SO much has been added or changed on the skills test.  I have to remind myself how far I have come in a short amount of time but also that I took almost two years off of skating, so it may take half that long for everything to come back at a sustainable level.

We did some group practice but the last half of practice we were allowed to work individually on whatever we felt we needed to.  I spent some time on some knee slides but the repetitive knee to floor action was starting to become painful, despite the heavy pads.  So I switched to transitions (how you go from skating forward to skating backward.) I am able to do this fairly well but need to work on speed. However, I am really only skilled at doing it in one direction and you have to be able to turn both ways for the skills test.

When I first started trying to turn the opposite way from what I am used to, it was a major struggle.  I found myself getting really frustrated and wanting to give up on it. But I took a couple of small breaks and changed my inner monologue.  Instead of telling myself that it was pointless, that I just couldn't do it, I told myself to just keep trying.  And I did keep trying.  While I can't really do it moving quickly, by the end of practice I was doing 360s in both directions.  When I started the night I couldn't even do a 180 to the right. 

I am very proud of myself.  I think my experience in derby is representative of a lot of things in my life. I've often hit bumps on this little journey of mine, telling myself I could only do something one way and would never be able to do it differently. 

Turns out I just needed to teach myself how to turn the other way.

Buffets are Battlegrounds

I have good news--I've lost another few pounds. I am not officially recording any weight losses until I see the number more than once on the scale, on different days. I keep gaining and losing the same 4-5lbs and I am determined to be down into Onederland by January 1st.

Tonight we went to a buffet. We haven't gone out to eat much at all lately but we came into some money and decided to treat ourselves. We went out twice today really but one was out of necessity since we had to drive quite a ways to get the money.  Anyway I am pround to say at the first place I had a blackbean veggie burger and a green salad. 

The buffet was a bit tricky though. I first filled up a plate with a huge salad with lots of veggies and only a couple of croutons and bacon bits. I'm not much of a salad dressing person so I rarely worry about that. I just drizzled on a little bit. After the salad I drank a whole glass of water and then made a very small plate. I made myself eat it slowly and then I had another even smaller plate. And only one dessert. I started to eat two but then I decided I was too full and it wasn't worth it.

Batman ate too much and was miserable though so I don't think we'll be going back to a buffet anytime soon. It's just really not worth it and Batman can't say no to ice cream and cereal together.