Monday, September 30, 2013

Slow Damage

I was diagnosed Type II diabetic when I was 22 years old.

I weighed 45lbs more than I do right now.

My diet consisted of primarily fast food, Chinese takeout, pizza and the occasional home cooked dinner loaded with fat and carbs. Lots of pop and desserts every single night--usually more than one.

One night after our weekly tradition of Thursday night pizza, I was having a particularly rough time breathing. My ex-husband took me to the ER for asthma and I ended up finding out that I was diabetic. My blood sugar was 437.

I won't bore you with details about what blood sugar levels should be and what can happen if your blood sugar is 437.  But suffice it to say, I really shouldn't have been upright at that point. 

I suppose I wasn't. I was in the hospital for a couple of days.

Over the years I've learned a lot about having diabetes. I've gone to diabetic education classes, met with my fair share of nutritionists and nurses and I've been on medication for the better part of the last 12 years.

Last year was devestating for us in many ways and depression took hold. When I get into a depression I don't take care of myself. I eat like crap, I don't take my meds, I don't exercise.

Basically I am committing slow suicide.

Today was my first doctor's appointment with our new physician. I knew that the prognosis wouldn't be pretty when I walked in there. I've been kind of keeping track of my blood sugars for the past month, thanks to my parents for giving me an extra glucometer since my old dipshit of a doctor couldn't manage to get me one. The readings have been really elevated.

They do lots of tests to check out the elevated blood sugar is affecting your body. They can do a finger poke to see what the glucose level is in your blood (which is how they found the 437 I mentioned above) They can do a blood draw to see what levels your blood glucose has been sitting at for the past 3 months--this is called an hga1c--but that takes awhile to get back. They also can do a urine dip.  That's what they chose to do for me today. I've actually never had anyone explain to me what levels of glucose in urine should be.

Turns out there shouldn't be any.  Hmmm.  A person with elevated blood sugars may have 25 or 50 and still be okay. Alarms start going off for them in the 300-500 range.  750 they get really worried. 

Mine was over 1,000.  ONE THOUSAND. She told me that if I had any ketones (I like for my medical info, read about diabetic ketoacidosis here) in my urine, she would have sent me to the emergency room and I would have had a fun-filled stay at the hospital. She actually said to me "I don't even know how you're functioning right now."

There are numerous other complications that can happen with elevated blood sugar levels but I think I'll just put those to the side for right now because my anxiety is already high. 

I am devastated that I have done this much damage to my body.  That I couldn't resist this unhealthy food and I ignored all the warnings from my doctors before.

You see, you don't really feel the full effects of the damage at an early stage. It's a longterm effect sort of thing. Yes you can feel fatigue and lethargy right away, but geeze, what mother doesn't feel that all the time?

Oh right, healthy ones.

She has a short term plan to get this under control while we work on a longer term plan. I'll take a medication that I can't take long term because it overworks the pancreas.  I was on this medication for many years and no one ever explained it to me. She told me that it's very likely that my pancrease can't even produce insulin anymore. She is putting me on it just to bring my sugars down and then we'll switch to something better. I will likely end up on injectable diabetic medications, insulin or otherwise.

Because I loved pizza and ice cream and brownies and french fries more than I loved myself.

I went to the grocery store afterwards to get my medications and a couple of food items.  I was standing in line in front of a small family--mother, father, little girl who was probably about 4. She was clutching a box of popsicles to her chest. I heard her dad tell her that she had to eat "chicken nuggets or ravioli--you're not just having popsicles tonight!" I glanced back at their small grocery order--lunchables, canned ravioli, bagged chicken nuggets, and popsicles.

I couldn't help it, a tear slipped out. 

This food is so DAMAGING to our bodies and yet we continue to eat it. We give it to our children.  I am somewhere between sad and angry now.

I am in no way blaming others for what I have done to myself.  But I do recognize that I didn't get here alone. Our society makes being healthy something trendy rather than something normal.  It makes it seem so out of reach for those of us who don't have a lot of money. They make the bad for you foods more appealing to children. They make them cheaper. They make it easier.

I know that I chose to put that food in my mouth.  Anyone who has struggled with an eating disorder of any kind knows that the choice isn't always that simple though.

I came home and explained to my family that my body is not healthy and that we simply CANNOT have this junk food anymore.  It's not a treat.  It's poison.  You don't treat yourself to a sip of antifreeze. You don't treat yourself to a syringe full of gasoline. You don't treat yourself to a spoonful of rat poison. 

Stop "treating yourself" to kidney damage and heart disease and obesity.

I can't do this to myself anymore. I'm scared that I will keep doing it though because it's what I know.

I need help. I need accountability. I need ideas on what I can actually eat because it really feels like slim pickings right now (I can only eat so much salad, chicken breast and green beans....)

Mostly I need reminders to love myself and to take care of my body and to show my daughters how to do it as well. I do not want them to end up where I am because I decided to show them my love through cupcakes and ice cream.

They deserve better. And so do I.

Friday, September 27, 2013

When Success Leads to Progress

I stepped on the scale a few days ago. I saw the number and frowned. It couldn't be right.  I stepped off, zeroed it out and stepped back on. Same number.  One final step revealed the same number yet again. I decided that it was wrong and I'd wait a couple of days and weigh in again.
I've been struggling a lot, that's no secret. I wanted to make sure that the number on the scale was accurate.
This morning I stepped on again.
I blinked.
It was a different number, but not the one I was expecting.
I stepped off and back on two more times, convinced that it was wrong.
Each time it said the same number.
The last time I weighed in and put my progess into myfitnesspal, I weighed 209.
The number today?
That's one pound less than the "wrong number" from a few days ago.
I am still kind of not convinced but I'm going with it.
I weighed myself again a few minutes ago--still in the same number range (because you know you fluctuate a pound or so depending on the time of day)
Seeing that number this morning really motivated me though. When I went to the grocery store I bypassed the junk food for the most part. What junk food I did buy was mostly a treat for Monkey and Batman because I don't really like cheese puffs. The rest was fruit, veggies, some Lara bars marked down for clearance, and some of my WIC stuff for Baby Bug.
When I got home I brought the groceries in and then promptly turned around, packed up the stroller with snacks and water for me and Baby Bug. I turned on some tunes, gave Baby Bug her snacks and off we went for a 2.5 mile walk.  The sunshine and the fresh air was great. Baby Bug was awake most of the time but fell asleep about 10 minutes before we got home. I sat outside when I got home and let her snooze a bit.
So today is a good day so far. I was stuck for awhile and even if that number turns out to be a little low when I go to the doc on Monday, at least it prompted me to get moving and make better choices today!

Thursday, September 26, 2013

A little more on self-care

This is such a hard task and that seems a little ridiculous to me.

Taking care of myself is low on my list of priorities most days. I could sit here and wonder why this is. I know why it is though. Women are socialized to drop everything and care for others in our society, particularly when that woman is a mother.

Today I made sure to have a good water intake.  I've been feeling the effects of dehydration for a few days now, particularly when I spend an hour or two at roller derby. I always remember to drink water while I'm there but I need to drink more in general so when I'm there, I'm already well hydrated.

I'd like to take some time for some more beauty rituals too. I used to spend time doing my hair and make up every day. I spent tons of money on beauty products and makeup. I don't want to go back to that necessarily but I'd still like to not look in the mirror and wonder why my hair looks all wild and and why my skin looks so dry.

I was pleasantly surprised when I was chosen for some free beauty samples from Influenster. They chose me to test the products in their MamaVoxBox.  I received it today:

Ponds Luminous Finish BB Cream in two shades, some Dr. Scholls gel inserts and some Annie's Mac and Cheese. I received them all for free for testing purposes.
It also contained a belVita cookie that I already ate. The cookie was good and nutritious. I wouldn't necessarily eat it for breakfast but it was anice treat.
Anyway I'm looking forward to trying out the BB Creams and letting you all know if it helps improve the appearance of my skin.
Keep your eyes peeled--I have a good blog post planned for sometime in the next few days. I hope you'll be here to read it!

Wednesday, September 25, 2013

Creating Good Habits

When I first started on this journey was creating good habits--eating habits,movement habits, sleeping habits, writing habits.

I have started falling back into old habits although improved from before.

For example, the other day we had really fattening meals twice in one day and I realized I had not done that in months. And I felt it. I told Batman that I did not want to do that anymore, that I couldn't believe we used to eat like that every single day.

So I've stuck to fairly decent meals for breakfast and lunch but have been struggling with dinner, mostly because of timing and issues that have come up around home.

But I don't want those to be excuses. Those things are just called LIFE. I don't have to cope with them by eating crappy food or cop out of exercise because life happens.

So I am committing to writing here every day again. I will just have to force myself to think about my health enough to write something every day. Thinking about it and writing about it help me actually DO it, and that's what I need the most.

I will get back on my goal of eating more veggies--the one I started in January. It's like I hit it and decided I was done and now....I don't think I had a veggie today.  Not good, not good at all.

I wish I could map out or graph my progress--more than just my weight going up and down. The bad days and the good days, so I can see how many days were good overall and not focus on the bads.

Good thoughts, good habits. 

Sunday, September 22, 2013

Feel The Burn

Last night I shadowed the outside pack refs for back to back roller derby bouts. I had my skates on for nearly 5 hours and 3.5-4 hours of that was solid skating--back and forth, stopping, turning, and skating fast and slow.  At first it did not feel like a major workout because I wasn't in the game, hitting girls or even skating for long stretches of time (which you never do in a bout because each jam is only 2 minutes long, so you have a break every 2 minutes anyway.) I'd say the last 45 minutes changed my mind, that's for sure. My thighs and calves were aching along with my feet.  That was serious business folks. I've alwasy respected refs but even more so now.
I love skating because most of the time I don't think about it being exercise.  Or if I do it's broken up in many ways--different drills, different speeds, etc. When I go to the gym it's not the same, it's more monotonous despite the various machines and weights. But skating, roller derby....I don't get bored.
I'm planning to try and add more workouts back into my routine. I've been in sort of a slump with everything and am digging my way out with a baby spoon it seems.
But hey, at least I'm digging out right?

Friday, September 20, 2013


I've gotten really lazy as of late.
I don't blog as much. I don't log all my food religiously. I don't exercise/go for walks. I don't meal plan.

I don't want this journey to end at 2 months. I know that every day is a battle and requires me to rededicate myself to...myself.  I need to commit every morning and sometimes more than once a day.

I have to admit this is a slump I'm having a hard time overcoming. I hate that I start out with so much steam, energy, enthusiasm--and then....back to what I've always known.

I don't WANT what I've always known but somehow I keep going back to it. 

Get me out of here!

Thursday, September 19, 2013

Hard To Top That!

It's hard to follow an entry in which you get to see me in my underwear. That's probably why I haven't written since then!
I've gone over this in my head a bunch. Should I write daily? Weekly? When I feel like it?
I definitely shouldn't do it when I feel like it because I need the blog to motivate me to do other stuff. I was pressuring myself to write every day but after awhile, I just can't consume myself with thoughts of my healthy eating and exercising.
Life steps in, you know?
I'm going to try and write at least every other day because I think two days worth of work is more interesting to write about and read about than one.
We've had a trying week here in our household as far as health goes. My in-laws came from out of town and it was an eating fest for a whole day last weekend. It's been difficult eating at home because of not having grocery money--so we've eaten at other people's houses and such. Not every day but some days (three times actually!) There has also been pizza and taco bell because of ER trips and urgent care and so many other things.
My body is paying for it too. I'm fatigued and cranky.  I'm trying to be better today but the junk is still here so I ate it. It's gone now I think. Thank goodness.
I sort of feel like taking a nap. Maybe I will.

Sunday, September 15, 2013

Visualizing Progress

Other people are starting to notice our progress.  We spent the day yesterday with Batman's family and they all remarked on his weight loss. I got a comment about mine but hey he's lost like 30lbs and I've lost 18....his is definitely  more noticeable.
Sixty days ago I made this commitment to myself and I've stuck to it. I'm making the changes I want to make at a pace that I feel comfortable with. I'm also not getting hung up on little setbacks.  Hell they aren't even really setbacks. Sometimes I just want to eat pizza or cake or donuts or lasagna. But sometimes I don't. And I feel okay with that.
In honor of my sixty days of progress, I present to you a collage!
That's day 1 in the green and day 60 in the gray.  Bummed I got the wrong angle but it was too cold to get half naked again.
 Oh and this shirt? used to be snug!
Time to take this strong hardworking body to roller derby practice! 

Thursday, September 12, 2013

The Importance of Sleep

The little heatwave we've had this past week has caused our family to once again retreat to the living room to seek relief from the humidity and uncomfortable sleeping in our rooms without air conditioning.  Unfortunately Baby Bug has had a mild cold this week as well and hasn't been sleeping very consistently. It's difficult for her to breathe lying down and she also can't suck on her pacifier or a bottle for long without having to pause for a breath. Needless to say, we haven't gotten very restful sleep lately.  Last night was the worst though. She was restless from 11pm until 2am and then from 2:15am until 4:30am she was awake and uncomfortable and uncontrollably crying in spurts.  Since we were all in the same room, none of us got very good sleep. Poor Batman had to get up and go to work and Monkey had to get up and go to school. I had to function enough to keep Baby Bug out of trouble and that was quite the task.  My head felt spinny and my body was aching (did I mention that Baby Bug handles her discomfort and exhaustion by climbing all over me?!? Well...she does...and has for the past few days....)
(This photo is not mine but I lost the link and can't remember the search criteria to find it again!)

As such I wasn't terribly motivated to make nutritious food for us to eat. It's a good thing that I don't keep junk food in the house anymore because I would have consumed it all today.  I was basically cursing myself come dinner time because I no longer keep frozen pizza (or frozen prepackaged anything really) in the house.  I managed to scrounge up a dinner of sauteed chicken breasts, rice, black beans and sweet peas.  It was mediocre but hey it wasn't frozen pizza and I had a full plate of food for just under 500 calories. 
I DID manage to get in some exercise today, more out of necessity than desire.  Baby Bug was refusing her afternoon nap and I was on the brink of insanity, having been trapped in the same room for the past several days (we are short on money again so I have minimal gas to go anywhere, not to mention money to do anything once I get there...) I packed Baby Bug up into her stroller and we took a mile and a half walk. I would have gone further but my body was exhausted after last night's derby practice followed by two hours of midget wrestling and only 4 non-consecutive hours of fitful sleep. Baby Bug did fall asleep and I finally got to lay down.....only to be woken up about 15 minutes later by Monkey returning home (an hour earlier than her dad has dropped her off all week) and loudly requesting to play outside with her friends. I shushed her and sent her outside but then I had to be a awake to listen just in case something happened outside. So, basically no nap for me.
I know I've written about the importance of sleep before but here are some reasons why it's so important.
Taken from

The Harvard Women’s Health Watch suggests six reasons to get enough sleep:

  1. Learning and memory: Sleep helps the brain commit new information to memory through a process called memory consolidation. In studies, people who’d slept after learning a task did better on tests later.
  2. Metabolism and weight: Chronic sleep deprivation may cause weight gain by affecting the way our bodies process and store carbohydrates, and by altering levels of hormones that affect our appetite.
  3. Safety: Sleep debt contributes to a greater tendency to fall asleep during the daytime. These lapses may cause falls and mistakes such as medical errors, air traffic mishaps, and road accidents.
  4. Mood: Sleep loss may result in irritability, impatience, inability to concentrate, and moodiness. Too little sleep can also leave you too tired to do the things you like to do.
  5. Cardiovascular health: Serious sleep disorders have been linked to hypertension, increased stress hormone levels, and irregular heartbeat.
  6. Disease: Sleep deprivation alters immune function, including the activity of the body’s killer cells. Keeping up with sleep may also help fight cancer.
So my next number goal is to get a full 8 hours of sleep every night. My health depends on it!

Wednesday, September 11, 2013

Positive Self Talk

This entry is likely to be long and a bit scattered so bear with me. 

Today I watched the movie "The Secret." I've heard the concepts from the movie several times but had never really watched it.  I had to watch it in increments between a screaming teething baby and various other household tasks. I really wanted to HEAR the whole message so I can implement it.  If you are not sure what I am talking about, please Google it because I know I won't explain it very well.  My interpretation of it is just that--mine.  So I think you should watch it for yourself anyway.

It made me realize that I have been dwelling far too long on what I don't want rather than on what I do want. Focusing on what I don't have rather than what I do have. Focusing on what I can't do instead of what I can do. 

I dug up an old journal of mine and decided to follow the advice in the movie and write down what I am thankful for. I wrote all the things I am happy to have/do/be and that I am grateful for all the things I will have/do/be.  I read through some old entries and realized they all focused on negative things as well.  It's hard to reframe your thinking.  It's so easy to fall into the "I can't, I never, I always" way of thinking negatively.

I have been working on having an attitude of gratitude for awhile now. I'm always thinking about how thankful I am for the OBVIOUS things--my kids, my husband, my home, etc.  I am moving on now to being grateful for all of the things around me because even the bad things can end up good.

I have to tell you about a time that I inadvertently used the methods from "The Secret" and it worked. There was a particular building in the apartment complex where I used to live. It was overlooking a large grassy area where my daughter could play. There were no basement apartments so no matter what I would have a balcony or a patio.  It seemed to be in a quieter spot than where I was living in another building. Every time I would walk by that building I would say "I am going to live in that building some day." I lived in that complex for 3 years and had just signed my third lease when our basement apartment flooded. I was 31 weeks pregnant and in the hospital when it happened. We were moved to another building in the complex.  To THE building. The one I was always saying I was going to live in. We only ended up living there for six months and it wasn't as great as I had anticipated but I never would have known that if I hadn't gotten the chance to live there.

And that wish/hope/goal I had came true because of really negative thing--losing my apartment to a flood.

And now that I have written that I realized that it worked another time. The neighborhood where we live now is really beautiful. I would drive through it sometimes when I was going from where I lived to where my parents live. I would look at the beautiful houses and say "I am going to live here some day" and I truly believed it.  And, well, I've been living here for almost a year now! 

In both of these instances I wasn't making a wish or really TRYING--it was just something I knew would happen one day and I felt confident about it.

Positive self-talk isn't a new concept but I think I was misunderstanding it before.  I was almost lying to myself before--fake it til you make it kind of thing.  But I wanted to reframe that and make it work tonight at derby practice.

I decided that I was going to banish the I can't/won't/don't attitude and thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts and affirmations of my abilities and my trust in my body. 

Tonight's mantra was "My body is strong and I can do this."  I repeated it in my head and even out loud several times.

And I'd say it was probably the best practice I've had in awhile. Even when I encountered something I was struggling with, I didn't let it break me down. When I felt like I was going to be defeated I would say "My body is strong and I can do this" and I would also visualize myself getting through the next 30 seconds or 2 minutes. 

So I have journaled about a lot of things I want for myself and my family and I'm going about making that happen. I'm visualizing my life as good as it can get--me healthy, my kids healthy my husband healthy.  And all of us are smiling. 

It really doesn't get better than that.

Tuesday, September 10, 2013


I did an exercise DVD yesterday--Yoga Booty Ballet: Burlesque.  I bought it used at the video store a few weeks ago because I wanted to have options for my workouts.  And I've always liked burlesque. I considered doing it myself a few years ago but I was already doing roller derby and didn't really have time for another activity while I was working full time and going to grad school.
When I first started the DVD I wasn't sure I was going to get much of a workout. The movements weren't particularly challenging, just require a bit of coordination I still need to work out. I didn't get to finish the DVD before Baby Bug woke from her entirely too short nap.
I was surprised to find myself dripping in sweat after a shortened workout.  I don't know if that's a good thing or not but I was pretty pleased with it.

Sunday, September 8, 2013

Mind Over Matter

Tonight was my first derby practice in a week and a half due to the rink being closed during the holiday to get the floor resurfaced.
It wasn't a great practice for me personally.
I am ashamed to say but the phrase "I can't" came out of my mouth more times than I can even remember.
I was feeling frustrated because I was really struggling to understand the drills we were doing even though I've done many of the skills individually several times. And when I got frustrated, instead of trying to slow down and figure out it, I gave up and said "I can't!"
Lucky for me, many of the girls were really patient and helpful and walked me through some of the drills.
I took a couple of falls tonight, no big deal. But I did hurt my hip and elbow on the last fall. I iced it briefly but got back out on the floor. My confidence was shaken though.  I didn't trust my body, I didn't trust the other girls. Bad combination when it comes to derby.
I left early because my mind got the better of me. I was frustrated with myself and really only cheated myself out of an extra fifteen minutes of working out. 
Maintaining a positive attitude takes effort sometimes. A negative mindset can really get in the way of anything good your body wants to do.

Saturday, September 7, 2013

Small Victories

I'm not sure if I mentioned it but I bought a scale awhile back at Goodwill. So far I've not really obsessed over the numbers, just paid attention to how my clothes fit and how my body feels.
Batman and I have both weighed ourselves a few times over the past week. I think it's time to choose an official weigh-in day though. 
I am happy to report that we have both lost. He is down a total of 30lbs and I am down a total of 17lbs. He started out with significantly  more weight to lose than me though so it's even really.
Someone asked us what we changed.  We've changed a lot really--we don't eat a lot of unhealthy food, we don't eat processed food often, we eat more fresh fruits and veggies, lots less fast food. But our mindset has changed too. Food is becoming less of a comfort and more of nourishment in our minds and in our bodies. We still enjoy food immensely but I am having fun finding healthier ways to feed us. I'm sneaking more veggies in whereever I can, not because we don't enjoy eating them but because it's easy to just add extra to sauces and soups and stir fry dishes as well as smoothies. It doesn't change the flavor profile much  but adds lots of nutrients.
We are coming to the close of the summer and all of the fresh produce won't be available at affordable prices. I'm trying to determine the best route to take. I plan to freeze some of the fresh produce I get so it will last longer.  We've started getting some canned stuff too.  Turns out Baby Bug loves mandarin oranges!
The best part of all of this is that it's becoming second nature, it's becoming habit, moreso than turning to junk food. Even the other night when we went out to eat unexpectedly, I chose brown rice, black beans and no tortilla for my burrito, automatically.  I just went to the healthier choices without having to debate about it. 
It's the small victories like that which cause me to celebrate :)

Thursday, September 5, 2013

Oh Stress

There is always stress.
Our biggest source of stress is money. Always money.
Or lack thereof I guess.

I'm trying really hard to manage stress in a healthy way because I can't eliminate it completely. I'm not just talking about stress eating, I'm talking about mentally and emotionally.

I'm a worrier and obsesser and overthinker.  It keeps my brain full of negative energy. I'm learning new ways to cope with stress because it has such bad effects on my body, physically and emotionally.

We had some major car repairs just sort of pop up tonight, all at once. It's not like we had the option to not get them done because our safety was at risk and hubby needs his car to go to work to support our family.

I am grateful for a lot in this instance--that hubby was able to get approved for credit to pay for all but $86 of his repairs, that the guys at the shop were willing to work with us and gave us several discounts, including not charging labor for putting a new tire on my car, that hubby can go to work tomorrow,  and that we are all now riding more safely.

I took some time to rest today because I haven't been getting great sleep. The nap helped me to not panic or get too upset over the whole ordeal.

I really wish I could have gotten in an extra workout tonight to help out (did I mention all of this happened at dinner/bedtime??? Yeah....)

Oh are so not welcome here.

Tuesday, September 3, 2013

The Right Mindset

Still struggling.

Not going to lie I feel like I've lost steam and am trying to figure out how to get it back.

I have consistently eaten over my allotted calories for the past week or so?

I used PMS as an excuse.

Then the holiday weekend even though I prepared most meals at home and had no reason to not make something healthy.

Today was Monkey's first day of school and we go out to lunch at Wendy's with her dad every year. I could have chosen better but oh the junk looked so good.

Fortunately my dinner was relatively healthy but it did not negate my 1200 calorie lunch.

What I do take comfort in is the fact that I used to eat multiple meals like that per week, sometimes per day. At least that was basically the first fast food meal I've eaten in awhile, aside from a burrito here and there from Taco Bell.

Tomorrow is back to a normal schedule. Monkey will be at school all day. Baby Bug and I will be home the rest of the day after we drop her off. I'm supposed to go to roller derby off skates practice but the kids can't go to my parents because my dad has something contagious, so I don't think I can go. I may go for a walk if I can manage it.

No wait.

I can manage it.

I will go for a walk tomorrow.

I know better than to get in the mindset of "if I can" or "maybe" or "I'll try."

There's a reason that Nike said "Just Do It."

Watch MapMyWalk tomorrow. My walk will be on there.

Sunday, September 1, 2013

The Doctor Debacle Continues

I know I wrote about meeting our  new doctor earlier this month. I got our primary care switched over to this doctor right away.
I kept forgetting to call back to schedule an appointment. I finally managed to remember earlier this week.  I was HOPING to get in very soon. But that's not going to happen.
My appointment is 9/23 and Batman's is 9/30. 
My blood sugars are terrible at the moment. I haven't really been treated since March and I really need to get on medication. I'm trying to control my eating but it's sort of beyond a diet issue at this point. I can't do it myself.
Batman's issues aren't as immediate as mine but we both need new inhalers soon. The humidity has been ridiculously high and making it difficult on our asthma. I hope that we can last almost another month with what we have left because we can't go back to our old doctors and the new one can't prescribe us anything because she hasn't seen us yet.

I'm ready for the cooler weather so I can breathe and exercise more. It's supposed to cool down this week and I have walks planned for Tuesday and Wednesday for sure.  I'll probably go for walks every day. I have an off-skates derby practice Wednesday evening as well.
I'm trying not to go backwards here.  Even staying in the same place for now would be okay.