Recently we went on a vacation with my husband's family (my family right!) My mother in law, bless her heart, loves to snap pictures but she cannot get a flattering angle even on her selfies. So imagine my dismay when she posted this picture to her facebook page, with the sweetest of captions:
"Young love hand in hand. Love it! So sweet! I will show this at their 50th wedding anniversary!"
Thankfully she didn't tag me in it.
All I can see is shamu emerging from the deep. I don't look like THAT in a bathing suit do I?
But I do. I realize you can't actually see much here, but the point is that *I* can see it and I really really don't like it. It doesn't match what I feel. Well okay sometimes it does. I should point out that this was right before my period and ladies we all know how we feel during that PMS week. But that's not 75lbs of extra water I'm carrying there. Let's be real.
Today is my 34th birthday. I am easily 75lbs overweight. I am diabetic, uncontrolled, and asthmatic. I woke up to the sweet smiling face of my youngest daughter, Baby Bug and snuggled up next to my Batman. My oldest daughter, Monkey, is spending the night with Nana and Papa. I'm so lucky!!
And you know what? I want to be alive at 35. I want to wake up again next year to my sweet babies and loving husband.
At the rate I am going, I'm not sure I'll make it.
So I am going to commit to taking care of myself. Like the dozens of times before right? But this time, I really am scared I won't be alive for my next birthday if I don't make a change. I'm not healthy in many ways--physically, emotionally, spiritually, financially.
I am not sure how I got here and I'm not sure how I am going to get there, but I do know that I will find the way.
So today is day one of the rest of my life. Well the next year of my life at least. I certainly hope that I can make it through the next 365 days of accountability. Right here in this blog. Daily posts and pictures. I don't even know if anyone will find this blog or want to read it. But it's here so that I will be here in one year.
Alive at 35.
I think what your doing is awesome, and I will follow and be praying.
ReplyDeleteThank you Kim!! <3
ReplyDeleteWhen I first met you, you were this beautiful butterfly shedding her cocoon. You've had some ups, and you've had some downs. Because your self-esteem was soaring, the weight came right off. Derby did the body good. :) I know its harder now to do derby with Baby Bug and Monkey, but you can still make exercise a part of their daily routine too! Walks in the park and they even make exercise videos just for families. When it becomes a part of your life, it becomes a part of theirs. I find that whole food, clean eating has been really easy and it doesn't put too much of a dent on our grocery budget. I do the best I can with what budget we have. I started my journey a long time ago, but I am really trying to do a "best by 40" which gives me two years (moretolifethanchocolate.com). I wish we were closer neighbors - we could walk and talk ;). Anyway, you know I love you and the family and you know I will support you 100%!
ReplyDeleteLife is definitely different but it's always changing--so let's make it good changes!! <3 you!
ReplyDeleteTanya I understand the struggles you are going through. I am there with you right now. you can do this girl you've got it and you've got the motivation! I wish you the best of luck and if you ever need anything let me know I'm here for you :)
ReplyDelete:) You can do it! I'm going through the same thing. I am not a diabetic, but i have degenerative disk disease which makes moving sometimes more difficult and exercise almost nonexsistant. I've started a diet out of one of my womans world magazines. So far, so good with about 5 lbs lost. Now that i'll be in MI we can get together more with the kids and keep tabs on each other :)love ya sweetie, i won't let you fail :)
ReplyDeleteI need todo the same thing. You are always inspiring. Maybe I can get some of my own enthusiasm by reading about your journey! <3
ReplyDeleteI'm following along as well. I've just started doing the same thing for what feels like the 50th time. I need to lose about 50 lbs. It's so hard, but the end results will be worth it. And any positive change will help.
ReplyDeleteYou can do this Tanya. Look at all the positive changes you have made in your life that you were afraid to do. YOU CAN AND WILL DO THIS!! I know you can. :) ((((HUGS)))) -Roanna
ReplyDeleteI feel ya. *puts down the box of Cheese Nips*
ReplyDeleteI'd forgotten I opened a Blog Spot last year. Maybe I should write in it and get healthy, too. I've been really struggling lately.
ReplyDelete