Wednesday, July 17, 2013

Sleep Success

I had a professor in grad school who was doing tons of research on the importance of sleep to our health. He was very passionate about it. He was one of my favorite professors, even if not the most reliable.
Before I was pregnant with Baby Bug I was taking Wellbutrin. It was the only medication that helped my depression enough to handle my anxiety and didn't negatively impact my waistline (like that needs any help getting bigger!) or my sex drive (how can someone be happy if they can't enjoy sex?!) It's not safe for pregnancy so I stopped taking it.
I have major depressive disorder. Not just a little situational depression. Full on chemical imbalance, past suicidal thoughts and bouts of believing I was truly insane.
So you can imagine how not being on a medication can be detrimental to me. I went on Zoloft when I was around 4 months pregnant. I hated every second of it but I kept taking it. Around this time I had issues with my insurance and I ran out of meds in between insurances. I missed a week's worth. 
Cue major withdrawals. I had panic attacks like no other for about four days straight. I didn't sleep. It got so bad one night, Batman took me to the ER. They were of no help, told me to do yoga and just close my eyes and lie down, I'd get sleep. Too bad whenever I closed my eyes, I saw horrible images.
It eventually passed but the only way I could sleep after that was with the television on.
I didn't start the Zoloft again. I haven't been on anything since March 2012. I haven't been able to sleep well without the tv on since then either.
Over the 4th of July we were in a cabin that did not have a tv in the room where we slept. I was able to sleep there with the windows open. I played my iPod to distract me from the noises. When we came home, Batman asked if I still needed the tv on and I said I did.
This week it has been in the 90s and we have one a/c in our house. It's in the living room. So we've all been camped out in here. The tv in the living room has a sleep timer on it and Batman suggested we try it. I agreed. The tv would go off after 2 hours.
Two nights in a row we have tried this. I've woken up when the tv has gone off both nights.
But....I went back to sleep.
I consider this a major victory for me. I was able to talk myself through it and not even come close to a panic attack. I was able to sleep, restful sleep at that (thanks to Baby Bug sleeping 12 hour stretches at night.)
I know that I more than likely need to go back on meds. Now that Baby Bug is not nursing, I am able to request Wellbutrin again (if we can ever get a new doctor.) And today I am seeing my therapist again for the first time in probably 6 months.
This journey isn't only about losing weight and eating healthier, which I'm struggling with majorly, but about being a healthy woman at 35.

4 comments:

  1. I can't imagine not being on something. I did try wellbutrin last month. ugh!! i was soo angry all the time. I admit, I liked having the sex drive back, but hubby couldn't stand me and i was verbally nasty to the children. So, i'll stick to my celexa. I hate that you had panic attacks. Thats why i'm on my meds. i can't drive without getting panic attacks if i'm not on something. It's not even like i'm dreading driving. It's so debilitating. Anyways, I hope you get on something soon for your sake :) good luck!

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  2. I couldn't agree more with your former professor. Studies upon studies have shown how lack of sleep can severely impact those with mood disorders, contributes to weight gain, contributes to higher risk of heart disease and a long list of other problems.

    I'm bipolar and when I don't get enough sleep, my entire world comes crashing down on me. I'm a completely different person when I get a good nights rest (doesn't happen frequently enough though).

    Hope you start sleeping better!

    -Andrea

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  3. I am so glad to see you are getting back to therapy.

    I never thought to ask if you could take Melatonin since its all natural. It has worked so much better for me than any prescription sleep aid.

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  4. I have taken melatonin but I don't have trouble sleeping, just had to have noise on to relax enough. Three nights in a row now I have slept without the tv on though! Yay!

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