Wednesday, November 6, 2013

Feel the Fear

I've talked about this concept a few times.  I think it's because most of what we can't do is all in our heads. Our bodies are amazing and capable creations.  If you REALLY stop and think about everything that's going on to keep you alive, and you don't even have to try, it is truly awesome. 
I've been trying to apply this concept of "Feel the fear and do it anyway" to many areas of my life. I initially turned down a job interview last week and then panicked when I realized I actually wanted to give it a shot.  I was afraid of sounding stupid on the phone when I called back and said "Oh by the way I changed my mind." But....I did it anyway. And it was fine. The lady was very nice, the interview went well and I learned a lot. I did not get the job but I have NO REGRETS. If I wouldn't have called back I would have been questioning whether I'd made the right decision.  I'm okay with not getting that job though as something is pulling me toward the one I've already been offered.  No regrets.
Tonight was derby practice. I find myself needing to write in here on these nights, as I've mentioned before, because I either hit a wall or break through one.  Tonight I broke through a MAJOR wall that's been up since I started roller derby in 2010. 
I have never been able to conquer my fear of jumping on skates. That's right, both feet in the air and then landing on my feet.  My feet that have wheels attached to them.  I always pictured myself flying out of control and falling, impaling myself on the cone we were jumping over (I mean really, it's a freaking rubber/plastic cone, my subconscious is slightly dramatic)
I heard before practice that we were going to be working on this skill tonight but I tried not to dwell on it. I figured I would either try it or I wouldn't but worrying about it beforehand wouldn't help.  We started with a few things that I know how to do well and I think that built up my confidence.  After we did those drills I was invited to join the "big girls" and do endurance training. I did that and it wiped me out. That was tough stuff.  I decided to rejoin the group of freshies and work on individual skills.We did some transitions and then moved quickly to the jumping. 
I started out petrified. I can' t lie. I stood back and watched the other girls doing it, even ones who were newer than me.  They were jumping over a little board that was 6 inches high.  They brought out a little pool noodle so I started by jumping one foot at a time over that.  Then I moved to jumping both feet over it.  I finally worked up the nerve to jump with both feet over that little board.
And I did it.
On the first try.
Without falling.
I may or may not have wanted to do a little touchdown dance at the end.  I refrained but I did shout "woohoo!"
I am insanely proud of myself. I was really scared to do that jump. But I let that fear sit there and I appreciated it for what it was. 
And then I did it anyway.

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