Positive Self Talk

This entry is likely to be long and a bit scattered so bear with me. 

Today I watched the movie "The Secret." I've heard the concepts from the movie several times but had never really watched it.  I had to watch it in increments between a screaming teething baby and various other household tasks. I really wanted to HEAR the whole message so I can implement it.  If you are not sure what I am talking about, please Google it because I know I won't explain it very well.  My interpretation of it is just that--mine.  So I think you should watch it for yourself anyway.

It made me realize that I have been dwelling far too long on what I don't want rather than on what I do want. Focusing on what I don't have rather than what I do have. Focusing on what I can't do instead of what I can do. 

I dug up an old journal of mine and decided to follow the advice in the movie and write down what I am thankful for. I wrote all the things I am happy to have/do/be and that I am grateful for all the things I will have/do/be.  I read through some old entries and realized they all focused on negative things as well.  It's hard to reframe your thinking.  It's so easy to fall into the "I can't, I never, I always" way of thinking negatively.

I have been working on having an attitude of gratitude for awhile now. I'm always thinking about how thankful I am for the OBVIOUS things--my kids, my husband, my home, etc.  I am moving on now to being grateful for all of the things around me because even the bad things can end up good.

I have to tell you about a time that I inadvertently used the methods from "The Secret" and it worked. There was a particular building in the apartment complex where I used to live. It was overlooking a large grassy area where my daughter could play. There were no basement apartments so no matter what I would have a balcony or a patio.  It seemed to be in a quieter spot than where I was living in another building. Every time I would walk by that building I would say "I am going to live in that building some day." I lived in that complex for 3 years and had just signed my third lease when our basement apartment flooded. I was 31 weeks pregnant and in the hospital when it happened. We were moved to another building in the complex.  To THE building. The one I was always saying I was going to live in. We only ended up living there for six months and it wasn't as great as I had anticipated but I never would have known that if I hadn't gotten the chance to live there.

And that wish/hope/goal I had came true because of really negative thing--losing my apartment to a flood.

And now that I have written that I realized that it worked another time. The neighborhood where we live now is really beautiful. I would drive through it sometimes when I was going from where I lived to where my parents live. I would look at the beautiful houses and say "I am going to live here some day" and I truly believed it.  And, well, I've been living here for almost a year now! 

In both of these instances I wasn't making a wish or really TRYING--it was just something I knew would happen one day and I felt confident about it.

Positive self-talk isn't a new concept but I think I was misunderstanding it before.  I was almost lying to myself before--fake it til you make it kind of thing.  But I wanted to reframe that and make it work tonight at derby practice.

I decided that I was going to banish the I can't/won't/don't attitude and thoughts and replace them with positive thoughts and affirmations of my abilities and my trust in my body. 

Tonight's mantra was "My body is strong and I can do this."  I repeated it in my head and even out loud several times.

And I'd say it was probably the best practice I've had in awhile. Even when I encountered something I was struggling with, I didn't let it break me down. When I felt like I was going to be defeated I would say "My body is strong and I can do this" and I would also visualize myself getting through the next 30 seconds or 2 minutes. 

So I have journaled about a lot of things I want for myself and my family and I'm going about making that happen. I'm visualizing my life as good as it can get--me healthy, my kids healthy my husband healthy.  And all of us are smiling. 

It really doesn't get better than that.

Sweating

I did an exercise DVD yesterday--Yoga Booty Ballet: Burlesque.  I bought it used at the video store a few weeks ago because I wanted to have options for my workouts.  And I've always liked burlesque. I considered doing it myself a few years ago but I was already doing roller derby and didn't really have time for another activity while I was working full time and going to grad school.
When I first started the DVD I wasn't sure I was going to get much of a workout. The movements weren't particularly challenging, just require a bit of coordination I still need to work out. I didn't get to finish the DVD before Baby Bug woke from her entirely too short nap.
I was surprised to find myself dripping in sweat after a shortened workout.  I don't know if that's a good thing or not but I was pretty pleased with it.

Mind Over Matter

Tonight was my first derby practice in a week and a half due to the rink being closed during the holiday to get the floor resurfaced.
It wasn't a great practice for me personally.
I am ashamed to say but the phrase "I can't" came out of my mouth more times than I can even remember.
I was feeling frustrated because I was really struggling to understand the drills we were doing even though I've done many of the skills individually several times. And when I got frustrated, instead of trying to slow down and figure out it, I gave up and said "I can't!"
Lucky for me, many of the girls were really patient and helpful and walked me through some of the drills.
I took a couple of falls tonight, no big deal. But I did hurt my hip and elbow on the last fall. I iced it briefly but got back out on the floor. My confidence was shaken though.  I didn't trust my body, I didn't trust the other girls. Bad combination when it comes to derby.
I left early because my mind got the better of me. I was frustrated with myself and really only cheated myself out of an extra fifteen minutes of working out. 
Maintaining a positive attitude takes effort sometimes. A negative mindset can really get in the way of anything good your body wants to do.

Small Victories

I'm not sure if I mentioned it but I bought a scale awhile back at Goodwill. So far I've not really obsessed over the numbers, just paid attention to how my clothes fit and how my body feels.
Batman and I have both weighed ourselves a few times over the past week. I think it's time to choose an official weigh-in day though. 
I am happy to report that we have both lost. He is down a total of 30lbs and I am down a total of 17lbs. He started out with significantly  more weight to lose than me though so it's even really.
Someone asked us what we changed.  We've changed a lot really--we don't eat a lot of unhealthy food, we don't eat processed food often, we eat more fresh fruits and veggies, lots less fast food. But our mindset has changed too. Food is becoming less of a comfort and more of nourishment in our minds and in our bodies. We still enjoy food immensely but I am having fun finding healthier ways to feed us. I'm sneaking more veggies in whereever I can, not because we don't enjoy eating them but because it's easy to just add extra to sauces and soups and stir fry dishes as well as smoothies. It doesn't change the flavor profile much  but adds lots of nutrients.
We are coming to the close of the summer and all of the fresh produce won't be available at affordable prices. I'm trying to determine the best route to take. I plan to freeze some of the fresh produce I get so it will last longer.  We've started getting some canned stuff too.  Turns out Baby Bug loves mandarin oranges!
The best part of all of this is that it's becoming second nature, it's becoming habit, moreso than turning to junk food. Even the other night when we went out to eat unexpectedly, I chose brown rice, black beans and no tortilla for my burrito, automatically.  I just went to the healthier choices without having to debate about it. 
It's the small victories like that which cause me to celebrate :)

Oh Stress

There is always stress.
Our biggest source of stress is money. Always money.
Or lack thereof I guess.

I'm trying really hard to manage stress in a healthy way because I can't eliminate it completely. I'm not just talking about stress eating, I'm talking about mentally and emotionally.

I'm a worrier and obsesser and overthinker.  It keeps my brain full of negative energy. I'm learning new ways to cope with stress because it has such bad effects on my body, physically and emotionally.

We had some major car repairs just sort of pop up tonight, all at once. It's not like we had the option to not get them done because our safety was at risk and hubby needs his car to go to work to support our family.

I am grateful for a lot in this instance--that hubby was able to get approved for credit to pay for all but $86 of his repairs, that the guys at the shop were willing to work with us and gave us several discounts, including not charging labor for putting a new tire on my car, that hubby can go to work tomorrow,  and that we are all now riding more safely.

I took some time to rest today because I haven't been getting great sleep. The nap helped me to not panic or get too upset over the whole ordeal.

I really wish I could have gotten in an extra workout tonight to help out (did I mention all of this happened at dinner/bedtime??? Yeah....)

Oh stress....you are so not welcome here.

The Right Mindset

Still struggling.

Not going to lie I feel like I've lost steam and am trying to figure out how to get it back.

I have consistently eaten over my allotted calories for the past week or so?

I used PMS as an excuse.

Then the holiday weekend even though I prepared most meals at home and had no reason to not make something healthy.

Today was Monkey's first day of school and we go out to lunch at Wendy's with her dad every year. I could have chosen better but oh the junk looked so good.

Fortunately my dinner was relatively healthy but it did not negate my 1200 calorie lunch.

What I do take comfort in is the fact that I used to eat multiple meals like that per week, sometimes per day. At least that was basically the first fast food meal I've eaten in awhile, aside from a burrito here and there from Taco Bell.

Tomorrow is back to a normal schedule. Monkey will be at school all day. Baby Bug and I will be home the rest of the day after we drop her off. I'm supposed to go to roller derby off skates practice but the kids can't go to my parents because my dad has something contagious, so I don't think I can go. I may go for a walk if I can manage it.

No wait.

I can manage it.

I will go for a walk tomorrow.

I know better than to get in the mindset of "if I can" or "maybe" or "I'll try."

There's a reason that Nike said "Just Do It."

Watch MapMyWalk tomorrow. My walk will be on there.

The Doctor Debacle Continues

I know I wrote about meeting our  new doctor earlier this month. I got our primary care switched over to this doctor right away.
I kept forgetting to call back to schedule an appointment. I finally managed to remember earlier this week.  I was HOPING to get in very soon. But that's not going to happen.
My appointment is 9/23 and Batman's is 9/30. 
My blood sugars are terrible at the moment. I haven't really been treated since March and I really need to get on medication. I'm trying to control my eating but it's sort of beyond a diet issue at this point. I can't do it myself.
Batman's issues aren't as immediate as mine but we both need new inhalers soon. The humidity has been ridiculously high and making it difficult on our asthma. I hope that we can last almost another month with what we have left because we can't go back to our old doctors and the new one can't prescribe us anything because she hasn't seen us yet.
*sigh*

I'm ready for the cooler weather so I can breathe and exercise more. It's supposed to cool down this week and I have walks planned for Tuesday and Wednesday for sure.  I'll probably go for walks every day. I have an off-skates derby practice Wednesday evening as well.
I'm trying not to go backwards here.  Even staying in the same place for now would be okay.