So it was my first night back at roller derby. I spent the entire day kind of jittery. I'm not sure what the nerves were for entirely. I know that part of me was worried that I just wouldn't be able to keep up.
I mean, it's been two years almost since I've played derby. I've had another baby and gained and lost about 40lbs total. My leg muscles are nowhere near as strong as they were before I had Baby Bug. My core strength? Well that's basically non-existent.
I was nervous also about not knowing anyone, about everything being different than when I was there before. New girls, new rules, new coaches and refs. There are a few people left from before but derby was just so exciting and so new and so...life changing before. I was trying really hard not to expect that same sort of experience.
I got to practice a little early because I was getting some new to me, harder wheels to make it easier to skate a bit faster. When I got pregnant with Baby Bug I had been trying for a couple of weeks to order new skates from the rink but the manager was never there to help me. I needed new wheels and bearings and wanted new boots and probably a new helmet and wrist guards. Before I ever caught up with him, I found out I was pregnant.
Everything happens for a reason right?
I had to remember how to put on all my gear. After inspecting it for any tears or damage from all the moves, I proceeded to put both elbow pads on upside down and couldn't figure out how to get my bearings out of my old wheels.
I was finally geared up and ready to roll.
It's different now. I'm back to Fresh Meat status and the way they train new girls is different from what I did before. Not bad, just different.
One of the first things we did after warming up was a time trial to see how many laps we could do in five minutes. This was always my weak point. I would always finish half a lap behind what I needed to pass. Now they've raised the number needed. But as we started I found myself flying past the other two girls who went at the same time as me. My legs were burning and my lungs were burning and I got that old familiar tired feeling. But I talked to myself through the whole thing. This was just the first night back, just to see where I was starting and how much work I would have ahead of me.
I finished only 1 lap behind where I left off two years ago.
I was pretty damn impressed with myself I must say.
The rest of the night we did more stuff I was familiar with and I was happy that most of it came back to me pretty quickly. Good old muscle memory. I wasn't the best in the group obviously but I wasn't the worst.
And I was able to keep up. I never once fell behind. I did all of the things that the girls who have been there for awhile have been doing.
I was happy too because there were a few girls that I skated with before so that helped me not feel so nervous about being back. I was familiar with them and their skating style and I knew how to partner with them. It felt really really really good.
I can't wait to get back out there again even if I did have a massive headache and desire to puke upon returning home. That's the derby way though--always ready for more!
Wednesday, August 21, 2013
Tuesday, August 20, 2013
Meet and Greet
I'm not sure if I went into any sort of detail about the experience Batman and I had with our previous primary care physician.
I met this doctor back in 2000. I was very very sick and on the brink of pneumonia. I was not quite 22 years old and had never chosen my own physician before. This guy was close by and since I hated driving in the winter, I was sold.
He was with me through all of my pregnancies, including the two miscarriages I had. He was with me when I was diagnosed diabetic, when I was hospitalized for a swollen trachea, and when I tore my hamstring at roller derby.
I wanted very badly to have a longterm relationship with a doctor because explaining health history is so daunting.
The thing is....I was always scared to go to him and tell him what I had or had not done.
Over the years I've struggled with weight, depression, anxiety and they have all influenced each other. The more I ate, the more I weighed, the more depressed I became, the more anxious I became, the more I ate, the more....you get the idea. My depression often made me stop taking my medications and checking my blood sugars. He always scolded me but I just accepted it.
I thought I'd finally be able to please him (I'm paying him to provide me a professional service, yet I was always worried about him being unhappy with me!) when I'd joined derby and lost some weight and my blood sugar was under good control.
It wasn't enough. I lost 20lbs and he said "You still weigh too much" My a1c levels were at 5.8 but I never got that pat on the back or feeling that it was enough.
The last time I went to see him I was discussing the medication that I was taking and how I was having difficulty remembering to take a second pill. I wanted to know if there was a one a day option. When I mentioned that I couldn't remember he said "Now you're 33 years old and you should know better...."
I stopped him and told him not to speak to me like that, he is not my father and I would appreciate it if he would change his attitude. He apologized but that broke us right there. I wouldn't do exactly what he wanted, no matter what it was because I didn't want him to think he could bully me into it.
I know I was ultimately hurting myself in that process but I finally realized that our relationship was not working. I was not getting any better and he wasn't really wanting to help me anymore. I had made multiple requests for blood testing strips for my sugars and he would never give them to me. When I called back in for a refill on my asthma medication that I have been taking for 26 years they said I had to come in for an appointment and asked why I hadn't dropped off blood sugars. I lost it. I told them that I had asked and I couldn't make him do his job and I needed the asthma medication because I needed to breathe. She insinuated that I had not used it correctly and I told her that I was tired of how I was treated there and was thinking of finding a new doctor. She said she'd pass the info along to the doctor.
His response? "I talk to her that way because she is not compliant with her treatment. If she is unhappy with her care perhaps she should find another doctor." And then he called in my asthma medication.
Find another doctor we did. It took some research because I was not picking a name out of a book. I asked friends and family who they see and made phone calls. Some I did not call because I did not feel they were a good fit. We finally found a doctor who required a meet and greet before seeing her.
I love this idea. Our insurance requires us to choose a primary care physician and we are unable to switch for 3 months after our selection. I don't want to get stuck with another narcissistic know it all for even three months.
Today was our meet and greet. The doctor was young and vibrant and very thorough in explaining how they operate in their practice. She answered questions for us and it felt like she was really excited to be welcoming new patients. I shared some of my experience with the previous doctor and she assured me that she understood, that she is a mother and that many women our age experience mental health issues and they can handle them well.
So tomorrow I all our insurance and request her to be listed as our primary doctor and then I can make an appointment.
I'm so ready to get on with this chapter of my journey toward health!
I met this doctor back in 2000. I was very very sick and on the brink of pneumonia. I was not quite 22 years old and had never chosen my own physician before. This guy was close by and since I hated driving in the winter, I was sold.
He was with me through all of my pregnancies, including the two miscarriages I had. He was with me when I was diagnosed diabetic, when I was hospitalized for a swollen trachea, and when I tore my hamstring at roller derby.
I wanted very badly to have a longterm relationship with a doctor because explaining health history is so daunting.
The thing is....I was always scared to go to him and tell him what I had or had not done.
Over the years I've struggled with weight, depression, anxiety and they have all influenced each other. The more I ate, the more I weighed, the more depressed I became, the more anxious I became, the more I ate, the more....you get the idea. My depression often made me stop taking my medications and checking my blood sugars. He always scolded me but I just accepted it.
I thought I'd finally be able to please him (I'm paying him to provide me a professional service, yet I was always worried about him being unhappy with me!) when I'd joined derby and lost some weight and my blood sugar was under good control.
It wasn't enough. I lost 20lbs and he said "You still weigh too much" My a1c levels were at 5.8 but I never got that pat on the back or feeling that it was enough.
The last time I went to see him I was discussing the medication that I was taking and how I was having difficulty remembering to take a second pill. I wanted to know if there was a one a day option. When I mentioned that I couldn't remember he said "Now you're 33 years old and you should know better...."
I stopped him and told him not to speak to me like that, he is not my father and I would appreciate it if he would change his attitude. He apologized but that broke us right there. I wouldn't do exactly what he wanted, no matter what it was because I didn't want him to think he could bully me into it.
I know I was ultimately hurting myself in that process but I finally realized that our relationship was not working. I was not getting any better and he wasn't really wanting to help me anymore. I had made multiple requests for blood testing strips for my sugars and he would never give them to me. When I called back in for a refill on my asthma medication that I have been taking for 26 years they said I had to come in for an appointment and asked why I hadn't dropped off blood sugars. I lost it. I told them that I had asked and I couldn't make him do his job and I needed the asthma medication because I needed to breathe. She insinuated that I had not used it correctly and I told her that I was tired of how I was treated there and was thinking of finding a new doctor. She said she'd pass the info along to the doctor.
His response? "I talk to her that way because she is not compliant with her treatment. If she is unhappy with her care perhaps she should find another doctor." And then he called in my asthma medication.
Find another doctor we did. It took some research because I was not picking a name out of a book. I asked friends and family who they see and made phone calls. Some I did not call because I did not feel they were a good fit. We finally found a doctor who required a meet and greet before seeing her.
I love this idea. Our insurance requires us to choose a primary care physician and we are unable to switch for 3 months after our selection. I don't want to get stuck with another narcissistic know it all for even three months.
Today was our meet and greet. The doctor was young and vibrant and very thorough in explaining how they operate in their practice. She answered questions for us and it felt like she was really excited to be welcoming new patients. I shared some of my experience with the previous doctor and she assured me that she understood, that she is a mother and that many women our age experience mental health issues and they can handle them well.
So tomorrow I all our insurance and request her to be listed as our primary doctor and then I can make an appointment.
I'm so ready to get on with this chapter of my journey toward health!
Monday, August 19, 2013
Time Management
Today I wrote out a weekly schedule for the chores and errands I routinely have to do. I included shopping for food and food prep on the schedule.
I did include days that I would have derby practice but I did not include days for strength training or an extra day of cardio.
I've been struggling with time management lately. I know that I need to schedule it in like an appointment and just stick to it. I am certainly hoping that I will be able to manage that much better after K goes back to school.
School? Ain't nobody got time for that.
I'm pretty sure that's the best worst phrase ever.
I did include days that I would have derby practice but I did not include days for strength training or an extra day of cardio.
I've been struggling with time management lately. I know that I need to schedule it in like an appointment and just stick to it. I am certainly hoping that I will be able to manage that much better after K goes back to school.
School? Ain't nobody got time for that.
I'm pretty sure that's the best worst phrase ever.
Sunday, August 18, 2013
Beach Snacks!
Today our family ventured out for what is likely to be one of the last, if not the last, beach trip of this summer. It's been unseasonably cool, save for a couple of weeks (including this one coming up and of course we have no money to make another beach trip so we suffer through the high 80s/high humidity weather in our one air conditioned room....)
I love the beach. I love the water, the sand, the sunshine. I love the people watching. I love seeing my kids and husband having fun. I love getting a tan. I am calm there, even amidst the chaos of splashing children and screaming toddlers and rednecks screamin "Watch this!" (ahhh, home)
What I don't love is the prep of going to the beach. I am always the one making sure everyone has on swimsuits, sunblock, towels and beach blanket are loaded into the car and of course I'm responsible for the food. Most of the time we plan to have an entire meal there, usually a bbq of some kind. There is so much to pack when you're having a bbq.
Today I decided I wanted to keep it simple so we just had snacks. I packed up some cheddar cheese cubes, some cucumber slices, whole wheat mini bagels and red grapes. Super simple, delicious and healthy.
As we were sitting on the beach watching the various other families with their snacks and meals I sort of didn't recognize myself. The bags of chips, the cans of pop or beer, the candy or chocolatey granola bars--that's what I would normally have packed for us. I remember being in public before with those types of snacks and looking at the families who had the healthy snacks and sort of---wishing maybe? that I could be like them. I'm not sure why I thought I couldn't be. My family ate everything I packed and were more than happy to guzzle their water bottles down as well.
We've changed our eating habits so much, they didn't even mention the difference in the snacks compared to what everyone else ate.
What's your favorite beach snack?
Saturday, August 17, 2013
Veggies
One of the goals I made at the beginning of the year was to add more veggies to my diet. I've been pretty successful. I have added a few new ones that I didn't eat too often before: sweet potatoes, spinach, carrots, and cucumbers. I mean I ate them before but now they are pretty consistently part of my diet.
Monkey has always been good about eating veggies but she isn't so awesome at trying new things. Today I made a new recipe with zucchini from the Farmer's Market.
Cheesy Baked Zucchini Fries
"Kid Approved: Healthy Snacks"--Michigan Nutrition Network
Ingredients:
2 medium size zucchinis (I used one large!)
1/4 cup cracker or bread crumbs
2 tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar (if you do not have balsamic vinegar, use apple cider vinegar, rice vinegar, or any other type of vinegar instead---we used apple cider vinegar!)
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 475 degrees.
2. Spray or grease a large baking sheet.
3. Peel zucchini and cut in half lengthwise. Cut each half into 8 lengthwise strips.
4. Combine cracker crumbs and cheese on a plate
5. Pour vinegar in a large shallow dish.
6. Dip each zucchini strip into vinegar, cover with crumbs and then place on prepared baking sheet.
7. Bake 5 minutes, turn strips over,and bake until crumbs are lightly browned, about 5 minutes more.
***********
So we tried to fast track this by using a baggie full of crumbs/cheese and putting multiple strips into the vinegar at once. I would not recommend this. Some of the strips got soaked in vinegar and the coating didn't stick as well as it did when I used the plate. I'd also cook them just a bit longer.
The kids didn't like them very much but one of my besties and I loved them.
What's your favorite veggie?
Monkey has always been good about eating veggies but she isn't so awesome at trying new things. Today I made a new recipe with zucchini from the Farmer's Market.
Cheesy Baked Zucchini Fries
"Kid Approved: Healthy Snacks"--Michigan Nutrition Network
Ingredients:
2 medium size zucchinis (I used one large!)
1/4 cup cracker or bread crumbs
2 tablespoons of grated Parmesan cheese
1/4 cup balsamic vinegar (if you do not have balsamic vinegar, use apple cider vinegar, rice vinegar, or any other type of vinegar instead---we used apple cider vinegar!)
Directions:
1. Preheat oven to 475 degrees.
2. Spray or grease a large baking sheet.
3. Peel zucchini and cut in half lengthwise. Cut each half into 8 lengthwise strips.
4. Combine cracker crumbs and cheese on a plate
5. Pour vinegar in a large shallow dish.
6. Dip each zucchini strip into vinegar, cover with crumbs and then place on prepared baking sheet.
7. Bake 5 minutes, turn strips over,and bake until crumbs are lightly browned, about 5 minutes more.
***********
So we tried to fast track this by using a baggie full of crumbs/cheese and putting multiple strips into the vinegar at once. I would not recommend this. Some of the strips got soaked in vinegar and the coating didn't stick as well as it did when I used the plate. I'd also cook them just a bit longer.
The kids didn't like them very much but one of my besties and I loved them.
What's your favorite veggie?
Friday, August 16, 2013
100 Squats
In preparation to return to derby next week I contacted my old coach who is now training all of the current fresh meat (three of whom are actually former skaters like myself and women I love dearly!) I asked him for exercises to help build endurance. He told me to just come to practice already, that I need sustained workout periods to build it up. He did however challenge me to do 100 squats.
I laughed.
And then I did 100 squats.
Because I'm a roller derby badass like that.
My knees hate me and kinda gave out on me a few times after I was done.
But hey, I did 100 squats.
I laughed.
And then I did 100 squats.
Because I'm a roller derby badass like that.
My knees hate me and kinda gave out on me a few times after I was done.
But hey, I did 100 squats.
Thursday, August 15, 2013
Be Your Own Hero
If you've ever watched the movie "Whip It" with Drew Berrymore, you recognize that line.
I used to play roller derby. For two years it was my outlet, my support group, my own personal challenge. It was hard. I had never been an athlete, never played an organized sport of any kind, never even fully participated in gym class.
Ironically it was a full year after I saw the movie mentioned above. It didn't even occur to me that it was something I could even do. I was about to turn 31, was extremely overweight and had probably only been on roller skates once since I was around 10 years old. But I enthusiastically joined my first practice and despite bruising my tailbone, pulling my groin and having extremely sore legs, I went back and I was hooked.
For two years I pushed myself--learning to trust my body and the strength in my always muscular legs, enduring endless hours of drills and suicides and throwing myself to the floor ON PURPOSE, getting dozens of bruises and tearing a hamstring. But for two years I had the love and support of everyone around me while I pushed myself, including the most amazing group of women I have ever met (til this day, and I have met some pretty phenomenal women since then!) More than anything it made me push myself in many other aspects of my life. If I could do that, I could do anything. So went the story of lots of women I met--women getting the courage to leave unhealthy relationships, go back to school, get better jobs. Empowerment is more than just a buzz word associated with roller derby--it is the true spirit of roller derby and those who live it know this.
Roller derby was the one thing I've ever done JUST FOR ME. For my body, for my mind, for my well-being.
I had to leave when I got pregnant with Baby Bug and had fully intended to go back when she was 3 months old. I told Batman "Don't let me quit this. I need it in my life." Baby Bug had a pretty rocky start to life and I was not able to go back as anticipated. Then finances got in the way and then time.
Now I have the time but not the money. Isn't that always the story?
Tonight the skating rink that hosts our derby league had free open skating in celebration of the annual Back to the Bricks car cruise. I have gone every year since 2010, even last year. I ran into some of the women I skated with and a couple of new faces.
When I saw those women, when I opened my skate bag--I just had this overwhelming feeling of being home. I belong there, with those women, on those skates, pushing myself to be better.
So I am going to go back. I can't afford to pay dues so I'm going back as a referee--but I still get the experience, the workout, the derby love.
And I get something just for ME. That's just as much a part of this journey as anything else is.
I used to play roller derby. For two years it was my outlet, my support group, my own personal challenge. It was hard. I had never been an athlete, never played an organized sport of any kind, never even fully participated in gym class.
Ironically it was a full year after I saw the movie mentioned above. It didn't even occur to me that it was something I could even do. I was about to turn 31, was extremely overweight and had probably only been on roller skates once since I was around 10 years old. But I enthusiastically joined my first practice and despite bruising my tailbone, pulling my groin and having extremely sore legs, I went back and I was hooked.
For two years I pushed myself--learning to trust my body and the strength in my always muscular legs, enduring endless hours of drills and suicides and throwing myself to the floor ON PURPOSE, getting dozens of bruises and tearing a hamstring. But for two years I had the love and support of everyone around me while I pushed myself, including the most amazing group of women I have ever met (til this day, and I have met some pretty phenomenal women since then!) More than anything it made me push myself in many other aspects of my life. If I could do that, I could do anything. So went the story of lots of women I met--women getting the courage to leave unhealthy relationships, go back to school, get better jobs. Empowerment is more than just a buzz word associated with roller derby--it is the true spirit of roller derby and those who live it know this.
Roller derby was the one thing I've ever done JUST FOR ME. For my body, for my mind, for my well-being.
I had to leave when I got pregnant with Baby Bug and had fully intended to go back when she was 3 months old. I told Batman "Don't let me quit this. I need it in my life." Baby Bug had a pretty rocky start to life and I was not able to go back as anticipated. Then finances got in the way and then time.
Now I have the time but not the money. Isn't that always the story?
Tonight the skating rink that hosts our derby league had free open skating in celebration of the annual Back to the Bricks car cruise. I have gone every year since 2010, even last year. I ran into some of the women I skated with and a couple of new faces.
When I saw those women, when I opened my skate bag--I just had this overwhelming feeling of being home. I belong there, with those women, on those skates, pushing myself to be better.
So I am going to go back. I can't afford to pay dues so I'm going back as a referee--but I still get the experience, the workout, the derby love.
And I get something just for ME. That's just as much a part of this journey as anything else is.
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